forsaken_one: (Default)
1. Still evil.
2. The kid doesn't seem to have aged in the last two years.
3. Still incredibly sexy.

forsaken_one: (evil)
Those politicians from the evil workshop seem to be doing well. Next they should be declaring themselves king of all Arda and then their families will come along and SMITETHEM AND CHAIN THEM UP.

And stuff.

Do I have issues? I don't think so.

Anyway.... not seen Dad about lately... or Manwe...or anyone else for that matter....

I think it's time for me to take over all of Middle Earth again. :D

I'm back!

Aug. 18th, 2004 02:02 pm
forsaken_one: (morgoth teh evilz)
Well, that was unexpected, yet not entirely unpleasant. The evil consultancy business is thriving and I had a date with some politicians.

Not exactly a date. More of a training/taunting regime going on. Of course, I would never taunt any student of evil. I got Damien to do that. :D


Hmmm. There seems to be a lacking in evil and an overabundance of dead horse. I can change that ::cackles::

Not the dead horse though. Hmm... though a sideline in dog food does sound promising.


Mar. 13th, 2004 01:24 pm
forsaken_one: (*eomers*)
I liked that Eomer chap. Shares my taste in women. ;)

Anyway, in lieu of my mun being able to think of something to post in honor of the not-so recently deceased, Long & Arda productions is rereleasing some of Eomer's past work with us.

Namely this: )
forsaken_one: (devious)
So kids. The big news - seeing as an overwhelming 60% of you little middle earthers wanted to know.

As unofficial Valar of fertility, shagging, lurrrve etc I feel it's time to do something. Something... very...well... productive I guess you could say. ;)

On with the news anyway.

Shag today or tomorrow and one of the "participating parties" will be up the duff, knocked up, expecting a happy event...

Bun in the oven and all that.

I fully expected at least two of the resulting kiddies from the happy unions to be named after me, of course.

What's that Damien? Your little friend wants babyflesh?

Right. I'm overlooking the small matter of actual copulation. Kiss anyone today and WHAMMO. heh.
forsaken_one: (evil)
I am torn. You see, all you little Middle Earthers... I am in a quandry.

Do I warn you? Or do I not warn you and see what happens?

Either way, it's still fun for me.

[Poll #247914]
forsaken_one: (heh)
Let's see...
Cake... check
balloons... check
punch... check
video camera... check
disturbing amounts of furniture polish... check

What have I forgotten? Hmm.

Aha. Location.

*installs bouncy castle in Minas Tirith*

Party time people!

forsaken_one: (Default)
If you're thinking that I forgot Erumas then you are wrong. Today, being the twelfth day of Erumas, is still Erumas.

I wouldn't forget Dad's special time of year especially after last time.

I did have to take that apocalypse back to the shop though, Dad already had one. Nevermind. heheh I have... other plans.

I got the kid some window cleaner and a feather duster. He's big on cleaning that one.
But for everyone else? Well. It was a hard time deciding, but I did it in the end.

Middle Earth. Dad. Mannie etc...

I give you Peace and Goodwill to all mankind elfkind sod it.

Wait. Typo. I meant Porn and Good lube.

forsaken_one: (heh)
Oh and hey.... to celebrate my return I'm declaring it


::steals middle earth's clothes::
forsaken_one: (aahahaha)
You know, there have been rumours flying around inside the mun's head that I spilt water into the mun's laptop so that I could traumatise the old rhyming buffoon when no one was watching.

*evil snigger*

As if I would do a thing like that.

No... I did something far far worse.

it was a good lesson for the kid though... )

heh. Not sure what kind of lesson though. ahahahaha
forsaken_one: (hmm)
So, it's all been quiet here at Long & Arda Productions, mostly to do with our branching out into a whole new genre of cinematic extravaganzas. That's right, in association with SHINY pictures, we've started producing uh... kid's films.


I'll let the kid tell you about that one.
forsaken_one: (::grab::)
Melkor's evil checklist of doom
*The kid is polishing the throne of unspeakable evil - check
*The elves in Mirkwood are being suitabley harrassed - check
*"Delving with Gimli IV" is being filmed - check
*Angst-juice is being added to the water and alcohol in Minas Tirith - check

Bi-location comes in handy when you have to multi-task. :)
forsaken_one: (hmm)
There's something that's been nagging at the back of my mind for a few days now...

Something I was supposed to do...what was I supposed to do....hmm

The KID. I remember now. I thought it was a bit less shiny around here.

Going to have tea with hobbits. I wonder if they have scones of doom.

To Bingo who would look good starring in my latest project, Flasher Gordon )

::calls over a balrog::

Hey Gerald, yes you with the tutu. Take this note over to the Shire.

yes. I know you didn't get any cake last time.

Or scones of doom.

You know, you have quite a big preoccupation with hobbits there.

Well. You know what happened last time you tried to put them up there.
forsaken_one: (aahahaha)
It occurrs to me that you little mortals might not appreciate just how busy I am. It's not all choclate swimming pools, hot sex and hiding Gondor's throne.

Wait.. there's an idea...

Anyway, back to what I was talking about. Melkor, the hot, sexy and supremely powerful, is a very busy Vala. There's dealing with pay disputes among the legions of balrogs and other evil entities, random acts of havoc to make real, the occassion stint as a djinn, licking the elves in Mirkwood, meetings with the marketing division of Melkor!saliva beauty products (we're working on the name)...making sure Long and Arda is running smoothly...

Oh and there's the matter of freeing my son from where that hobbit is keeping him.

But what has been keeping Morgoth busy lately?

Well, I shall tell you. I thought about it and realised that a certain bane on the existence of all you little Middle-Earthers had been quiet for a long, long time.

Yes, that's right. WOHS*

However, I came to the conclusion that you can't just bring something back without improving it. Without making it more fiendish, more wrinkly, more.... hairy.

I present to you all:

Wrinkly Old Hobbit and Dwarf Slash )

*Wrinkly Old Hobbit Slash
forsaken_one: (hmm)
mmm. The Lonely Mountain. You know, sometimes it's good to come down here and supervise the odd filming or two. Long and Arda have standards to maintain.

Of course... once you've seen one hot and steamy documentary being filmed... you've seen them all.

::whips out Arda Megadrive and starts playing Sonic the Balrog::
forsaken_one: (evil)
In other news, a funny thing happened earlier, you know.

Long and Arda actually forwarded some mail to me. It's unheard of. Okay so they have to send me the free samples but they get to deal with the desperate pleas for mercy and fanmail. I'm a popular guy you know. ;)

I should probably get round to reading it. It has no customary bribe or cookies though. Hmm.

::reads the letter::


Well well well. It seems that Bingo Bolger-Babysnatcher is more like me that previously though. I had "turn Bingo to the dark side pencilled in for next Erumas" but it seems like he's there already.

::sends Gerald the Balrog to Back End with a note:: )
forsaken_one: (smirktastic)
In a funny turn of events it seems that Luthien, the lovely elf that I've kidnapped a few times, is marrying Eomer, whose wife I kidnapped and heh well. you know what happened there.

So. As a gesture of well...I dunno. The mun poked me and said "blah blah blah blah not here tomorrow blah blah blah give them a present blah blah blah handcuffs aren't good enough blah blah blah etc"


This guy is gonna film your wedding. We're not even going to subliminally insert hot steamy action, though if you want... he could film the wedding night too ;) But anyway. It'll be the wedding of Eomer and Luthien on tape or dvd. We're branching out into dvd you know. Might add some special smell-o-vision to the dvd, you know.. the usual... horse, hair products, Luthien...

Anyway. ENJOY. I expect to be sent... cake or something. Maybe a bridesmaid too.
forsaken_one: (devious)
You know, I don't just keep a watchful eye over the lewd going-ons in Middle Earth. I have a passing interest in art.

Oh yeah. And I'm like... totally evil.

Anyway...what was I talking about? Art. That's it.

Art is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, you need to strip away the clothing of critisism and opinion, stand back and take a good look and then pounce on it and give it a good shagging.

Or perhaps not.

The real point of this post is this though:


In the Hall of Doom, Melkor's luxury luuurve nest.*
Featuring the exciting new work of a mystery sculptor.

* There will be a shuttle uh... thingy. For those of you inconvienced by travel to adjacent sub-dimensions.

::distributes leaflets all over middle earth::
forsaken_one: (evil)
I have a nice new lawn ornament. Hobbits are more amusing than gnomes any day. Now... to check up on my other little...test subject...
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